Saturday, August 27, 2011

Today, I {am} love{d}

Today I am unreasonably happy. I can't stop smiling. It's like I have strings attached to the corners of my mouth and they keep lifting. I try and quit but...
Every time. *cue insane laughter*
Do I have a specific reason for this unshakable blissfulness? Well...
 I'm saved by Grace. Unbelievably lyrical. Free to run & to jump like a deranged deer. To ride like no one is watching {Hey, Roanie, wanna go fast?}. Drive like I have something to do in town -- and that Hammie needs to go too. Annnd I got a shot of espresso in my frozen hot chocolate. Booya. The epitome of frozen delight. Knocking the socks clean off that snowcone in my last post.

 I'm so glad to be this happy again. In the last month things have been a little off-kilter, mostly because my Mum had to work a lot filling in shifts for vaca-ers and so was hardly ever home during the morning/afternoon. Plus we have a ton of projects to finish before the dreadful white stuff from heck arrives. Some of them quite big. Like the chicken house needs finishing, the deck sanded and stained, the horse sheds need a bit of patching -- thankyou bored horses. And things like that.

 Another thing bothering me a lot: My faith.

Faith means being sure of the things we hope for
 and knowing something is real
 even if we do not see it. Hebrews 11:1

 Over the past weeks I've been getting a pretty clear message that I need to grow and share. Everything from the text to the sermons at church -- to my own nightly devotions that oddly keep saying things like
 "Is your faith the same as it was last year? Even last month? It shouldn't be. God's gift of faith and grace is not a stationary thing. It is a living thing that must either grow or diminish. Like a child that does not grow needs to be taken to the doctor, maybe you're in need of a spiritual check up." 
 My Bible readings are also patiently pushing me in that direction, like, "Hey Gwyn, don't be afraid to stand up and say something." Because the truth is, I'm a coward. I don't have tons of confidence or charisma when it come to talking to people. Especially about something as important as eternal life, because -- here it is, my fatal flaw -- I might mess up.

God, examine me and know my heart:
test me and know my nervous thoughts. Ps. 139:23

Well, big news, self! It's not about you! You are just the mouth piece. Chances are, if you ever get the guts to actually talk to someone about this stuff, you won't even be using your words. That's the thing about the Holy Spirit, he'll take care of it for you. Piece o' cake then, right? Ha. This is a girl that actually forms what she's going to say on the phone before she calls to ask if she can borrow a horse trailer. From her neighbor.
 I will undoubtedly blame this on being a certifiable introvert -- I love and need solitude like extroverts love and need to be social, I get very overwhelmed at parties where I have to talk to a lot of people I kinda-sorta know, I would rather listen to someone talk than talk myself. Unless it had to do with horses, animals in general, or writing.
 But it has become an excuse that I hide behind with laugh and a change-of-subject attitude. I've finely pieced my own veil, thank to the unfathomable love and patience of Our Redeemer. I mean seriously, after all humanity has put Him through, how can we not sing How Great Thou Art like the Warblers in the third pew? If it had been up to me, I would have chucked Earth away a looooong time ago. But that's exactly why I'm not God. I and I am so so so glad I'm not. Because no matter what we've done -- no matter what -- His arms will still open wide when we realize we just can't go it alone.

God is being patient with you.
 He does not want anyone to be lost,
 but He wants all people to change their hearts and lives. 2 Peter 3:9

 Thinking we can is like being an ant on an ant farm that doesn't believe it needs the little farmer to feed it bread and sugar each night. It thinks it can live off the sand in its own little world. But sand has no nutritional value, my friends. And the ant will soon end up dead because it was too proud to eat the sweet sugar from above and too proud to ask for help. And then the farmer will be sad.

You gave me life and showed me kindness,
 and in Your care You watched over my life. Job 10:12

Thank goodness God's a better ant farmer than I was. Mine lasted three weeks tops in those little plastic boxes and tubes. But as you can see, we're still here. But it won't last forever, just like any farm. The day will come when God will harvest and the wheat will be separated from the useless chaff. So if you're a bit of chaff now, you might want to think about putting out some grains. You'll be much prettier and happier for it.
On the day when the Lord Jesus comes. . . .
all the people who have believed will be
amazed at Jesus. 2 Thes. 1:10

I didn't plan this post, or if I did I didn't plan it like this. I just wrote what was on my mind or maybe even what was on my heart. I don't know if anyone will benefit from my writings today, but I know that I did. Putting your feelings into words seems to increase their potency and really clear up what the dickens you are feeling. Just scroll up to the beginning again, I had no clue why I couldn't stop smiling. Now I do.
I'm loved.
I really do matter.
The sunshines and the breeze is cool.
And I matter and am loved by the One who made both.
What's not to smile about?

He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God. Ps. 40:3

Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you. Jeremiah 1:5


  1. Great post, Gwyn.

    Lately I've realized that I am free from hell and all my sins are covered - no matter what mistakes I make, God won't leave me. It's made me way more of a....wrong word, but....risktaker???? I'm the same way as you in that I plan out everything I'm going to say.

    But I think it's ok to plan out witnessing techniques because my mom said the verse about not planning ahead pertained to testifying in court. Or something. No guarantees on that now :D

  2. Lovely, Gwyn!

    Ellyn is right, no matter what mistakes we make, we are still saved and free.

  3. that is most DEFINITELY something to smile about. :)

  4. Great post! Thank you so much for sharing!

    I've been feeling a down lately, but really I have no reason to feel down at all. Great reminder!


  5. Your blog is so peaceful and pretty. Love it. :)